Going Goldilocks Over Overtaking

RACE TRACK: One Way Or Another - Blondie

(One way, or another, Kobi's gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha...)

We'll start backwards today. How miniscule were those trophies?! First time in 2 years that Nick Heidfeld has gotten anywhere near a trophy and gets a fun size one? Here's Seb on the podium if you didn't see it:

Note that he isn't doing his signature finger. It must be the trophy disappointment getting him down. I mean, I know 'Baby Schumi' is only 23 but there was really no need for the toy trophy. And of course Nico Rosberg was nowhere near the podium this weekend but if he had been, it would've looked like this:

That might be the second gratuitous Rosberg insult of this fairly young blog, but never mind.

To continue in an even more backwards fashion: the post-race penalties for Alonso and Hamilton. I'm nowhere near being a Hamilton sympathiser but I couldn't really understand what the stewards were complaining about. So apparently Hamilton made more than one move across the track to defend from Alonso, but I saw no such thing and neither did the commentators. But hey, this doesn't exactly grind my gears, I'm pretty delighted that Hamilton lost 2 points from his 20 second penalty (and that Kobayashi gained them)! But Alonso gets the same penalty for "causing a collision"? What? The only damage he did was to himself; he made a mistake and was punished sufficiently with a lengthy pitstop to change the front wing. So why punish him again? If they're using this kind of rule then should Petrov get a penalty for "causing a collision" with a braking point marker?

On that note, what fun, Vitaly strikes again! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a Mark Webber? No, it's a Petrov!

Now for the overtaking discussion. Yet again we could all enjoy Kamui Kobasmashi Kobayashi being a fearless ninja, overtaking time and time again - particularly fun when Schumacher's his victim we've got to admit. But for some reason the world is still not happy. The "fans" moan that there's not enough overtaking (to be fair, apparently there were 5.93 overtakes per race in 1990, and 20 years later with aaaall the technological advancement there were only 1.15 in 2010 - tragic) and now that the FIA have introduced rules to make overtaking easier, apparently there's now too much. Or "unrealistic" overtakes. I'm sorry, but what is the problem? The phrase "procession" became synonymous with the Plague, so we've solved that problem and the races are increasingly entertaining. I'd like to think that any F1 fan would rather watch a seven-time world champion repeatedly do battle with a near-rookie, or the majestically-bearded Heidfeld snatch the podium from Princess Hamilton, than just watch Vettel cruise around at the front lap after lap. First there's not enough overtaking, now there's too much - when will it be juuust right Goldilocks?

Jenson was saying in the F1 forum after the race that the drivers can make strategic decisions using the drag reduction system (DRS), like deliberately not lapping someone in the DRS zone so that they then can't use DRS to unlap themselves immediately. Strategy is just as important to the sport as anything (I mean there have been several races in the past where all the action has been found in the pitlane rather than on the racetrack), so I can't see why people are calling for DRS to be removed because the overtakes don't feel "real". If for next season it's decided that the technology that aids drivers in races should be taken away, then 2012 is just going to be 24 guys running around in circles - or 22 if Liuzzi and Karthikeyan get a bit worn out and take 7% more time - and I can safely assume that no one wants that.

That concludes my rant for the Malaysian Grand Prix, but only a few short days until the action resumes in China - woo and yay! And as I've sung his praises yet again, to play us out, an excellent Kobayashi montage:

Dull Down Under

Warning: All this may be explained by my being tired and grumpy.

RACE TRACK: Woke Up This Morning - Alabama 3

First off, news from qualifying: congratulations to Albert Park for overcoming its menopause, as it no longer requires HRT! Nice job BBC on your not-at-all harsh graphics, crossing out the faces of Liuzzi and Karthikeyan like an assassin crosses off his hits. Only other interesting event of qualifying, Sutil trying to take over from Hamilton as top 'hoon' in Melbourne, but performing his doughnut far more gracefully (and legally) than the Aussie rozzers deemed Lewis to have last year.

And so to the race. A bit of a disappointment really, especially given the appalling hour I had to wake up.

For starters, my boys Button and Barrichello were acting very strangely.

I have no idea what on earth provoked either of them to attempt such idiotic moves, but I'd really rather they stopped the madness. I mean I was screaming at Jenson to just give it back to Massa before Alonso rolled up and the pitstops started. But no, he had his wise and experienced Mclaren strategists in his ear who decided to arse about and ask the FIA for some friendly advice instead. And as for Rubens, well the most experienced man out there seems oddly distracted by the scenery this weekend, smashing into Rosberg in the same random way that he drifted into the gravel in qualifying. Still, it's not like anyone missed Nico a great deal.

Next up in my list of disappointments, the Sauber disqualifications! My pessimistic soul became that little bit less jaded when Perez and Kobayashi came in in 7th and 8th, but that of course was snatched away after the race - something to do with their rear wings being a millimetre or so out in some dimension. A shame, because I liked Perez for being the random rookie pulling off some kind of miracle. Plus, he has some kind of Rufus (the naked mole rat from Kim Possible) vibe to him, don't you think?

(Perez is on the left by the way)

And what else really grinds my gears... oh yes, dear Mr. Camera Man, can we please focus on the race occasionally, instead of checking every five minutes whether Nicole Scherznfmkxtlzminger can still jump, hoot and clap like an ape? I'd quite like to have seen Paul di Resta being asked to move out of the way for Sutil, or the state of Hamilton the Plank Hamilton's plank, or why Webber had to dump his car immediately after the chequered flag. But never mind, she's more important.

For a dull race I've found a fair bit to rant about. I'm hoping next time around in Malaysia we might get a bit more excitement than one of Britney's Nico's pristine golden hairs being out of place. Until then, to keep us going for two weeks we have the joy of having seen a fair bit of Vitaly Petrov's sensational face.

Terrifying. Only kidding Vitaly, congratuwelldone today!