Dodging Debris In Deutschland

RACE TRACK: Radio Gaga - Queen

There were certainly some interesting broadcasts on the team radio during this race... Highlights were from the McLaren boys this time, with Lewis' rather pessimistic suggestion that they retire the car, and Jenson's sarcastic, indirect message to Charlie Whiting regarding Sebastian Vettel's questionable overtake.

But it was Felipe Massa who kicked it all off in Hockenheim, parting company with his front wing on the first lap.

Perhaps he was just missing Rob already. But anyway, the debris from this incident (that we never really saw) was littering the track but the FIA decided, hey, don't worry about it, and the race continued. Victims of the bits and bobs of prancing horse other than Felipe himself included Bruno Senna, Romain Grosjean and, the nation's sweetheart, Lewis Hamilton. All four of these drivers ended up trundling about with the backmarkers, having been forced to pit for various repairs. Seeing him towards the back of the field, the delightful Massa conspiracy theorists piped up once more, but I'd like to point out that he finished the race in 12th. Now although this isn't a points finish, Felipe actually did brilliantly to work his way through the field. As for the other three, the best they could muster was 17th, 18th and a DNF. So actually, despite some trials and tribulations, a nice fight back from Massa. Celebratory smack on the arse for you, Felipe baby. (You go Felipe baby.)

And now onto Lewis Hamilton race which, for the most part, was rather amusing - for his fans as well as his sceptics. So after picking up a puncture from the debris, Hamilton ended up a lap down on the front runners. In a rather out of character moment, he radioed to the McLaren pit wall saying he felt they "should retire the car" after only 2 racing laps - a strange message, somewhat reminiscent of Fernando Alonso's (in)famous "I give up, I give up" during last year's Korean Grand Prix. But the McLaren boys must have insisted that Lewis earn some of his millions for a few more laps, because he carried on until lap 56 before parking up in the garage. But before then, Hamilton was confusing the rest of the grid left, right and centre. Poor Vitaly Petrov apparently accidentally let Hamilton past, assuming that, having seen a McLaren in his mirrors, he must be being lapped rather than racing for position. Then, further up the road, perhaps forgetting that he was racing for about 20th position rather than 2nd, Lewis began to duel with the leaders - much to their annoyance.

Seb has been known for some... unfriendly hand gestures towards back markers, but this time I think it was pretty justified. And not just because it's Notorious H.A.M. Of course, everybody has a right to unlap themselves if they have the speed, otherwise they'd never get anywhere. But I think in this situation, Hamilton didn't have enough speed to unlap and then pull sufficiently away, out of the blue flag zone. In reality, Hamilton swooped past Vettel and promptly loitered about right in front of him, instantly inviting the blue flags (and the hand gestures) yet again. Was he genuinely thinking he could begin hunting down those in front while staying on the lead lap? Or had he had a mental abberation and was reverting back to fighting with his more usual company? I could suggest that he was part of a McLaren strategy to hold up Vettel and allow Jenson Button to catch up, but putting his teammate above himself would be even further out of character for Lewis. In this instance, I'd put it down to a bit of trolling - and I'm not complaining really, it probably did inadvertently help Button to chase down Vettel and it was certainly a laugh, but I'm quite surprised the stewards didn't have a quiet word with him about the concept of blue flags. Maybe he should have asked Kimi.

But now from Vettel the victim to Vettel the villain! Having just made it out in front of Seb after a round of pit stops, Jenson was happily cruising about in 2nd place (a dizzyingly high position given some of his performances lately), until a badly flat-spotted tyre sent him back into Vettel's clutches. But instead of having a little patience (he is an F1 driver, after all), Sebastian rather cocked up his attempted overtake, and gained second place with all four wheels completely off the circuit.

It's difficult to form a coherent opinion when the FIA have zero consistency, but the go-to argument is that the white lines define the circuit. Article 20.2 of the FIA sporting regulations (look at me, coming over all technical, like) states that "drivers must use the track at all times. For the avoidance of doubt, the white lines defining the track edges are considered to be part of the track, but the kerbs are not." Well Vettel wasn't even on the kerb, he was completely on the run-off area when he pulled in front of Button. I admit that Sebastian would easily have gotten past Jenson before the end of the race, but this overtake was completely illegal. And I think both drivers knew it; Jenson's sarcastic radio message and Seb's rather awkward demeanour on the podium were clear signs of this.

And the stewards eventually worked all this out after the race (better late than never) and issued Vettel a 20 second time penalty. This promoted Button to 2nd, Raikkonen to 3rd (ideal situation for Kimi: all the points of a podium finish without the tedious interview) and Kamui Kobayashi to an excellent 4th place finish for Sauber.

This race result was what Jenson Button really needed. Being back on the podium, getting some good points and showing he can still race. After so many dismal races with only a tiny smattering of points, Button really impressed this weekend, showing us plenty of badass overtaking moves that reminded us of the fast and feisty Jenson we know and love.

In other somewhat positive McFail McLaren news: it seems they finally got their act together and set an all-time record pit stop (stationary) time of 2.31 seconds. Blink and you'll miss it...

This is, of course, ridiculously impressive, but I really hope McLaren don't think their work here is done. A one-off, blisteringly quick pit stop doesn't make up for all the previous bumbling efforts of 2012 so far - I'm sure Lewis Hamilton can agree with me here, as Button enjoyed this record-breaking speed in the pits while Hamilton's had the brunt of McLaren's amateur hour pit stops. What we need now from McLaren is some consistency - if they can do frequent pit stops around the 3 second mark, as opposed to 5, 10, 15 second efforts with an occasional 2.4 thrown in, then they'll be back up to the proper standard of their end of the pit lane.

What else? Oh yeah, Fernando Alonso won! He was so dominant that I pretty much forgot about him. Not much to say about it really, other than he is certainly looking damn near unbeatable in the championship as we pass the halfway point of the season. In other news from the Spanish-speaking contingent: Pastor Maldonado didn't hit anyone! Hurray!

Gold star, sweetheart. He might have only finish 15th and a lap down, but at least I can have a break from rigorously defending him every race weekend. I suspect Gabriela succeeded in helping him relax this time. No doubt he'll be back to his usual mad shenanigans soon, to entertain and frustrate us in equal measure.

Finally, I figure I should mention the excellent shindig I had while watching this Grand Prix. Bit of a link-tastic paragraph, but let's just go with it. I was at F1 In Pubs again (the Birmingham division) where a raucous and most bodacious time was had by all. This time, I had company from Twitter pals Dom and David, who roped me into a rather insane GROUP edition of Fan Formula! I thoroughly recommend both F1 In Pubs, for a great place to watch a GP with fellow (equally-mad) F1 fans, and Fan Formula (to contribute or just watch) for a brilliant format for F1 opinions. So if you just can't get enough mad waffling about the German Grand Prix, head over to YouTube to watch our ramblings, live from the pub - part 1 here and part 2 here.

Anyway, I have rambled on long enough now. As always, you can leave your comments below, tweet me @F1_Obsessive, and now you can also have a gander at my new YouTube channel, where I'll be uploading Fan Formula entries each week. So I hope you enjoyed the German Grand Prix, and I'll see you next time for Hungaroring - byeeeeeeeeeee!

Not-So-Great British Drivers

RACE TRACK: I'm Only Happy When It Rains - Garbage

Hard to believe that, after the rain-soaked chaos of Friday and Saturday (on and off the track), we had a completely dry race! A wonderful reprieve for the brave souls at the circuit of course but, for those of us safely ensconced in front of the TV, a bit of slipping and sliding come race day wouldn't have gone amiss. But despite the dry running there was plenty of action to discuss, so on with the show...

Firstly, congratuwelldone to Mark Webber for being only the second double-winner this season! Of course he celebrated his win in typical mental fashion:

I dread to think what his passport photo looks like. Good ol' Mark, providing us with ridiculous material for photoshopping since 2002.

This first section will contain a small amount of casual Red Bull fangirling, before we get into the usual torrent of rants. Not only did RBR have the wonderful Simon Pegg as a guest this weekend (who, when Webber took the lead, appeared to be TRAPPED IN A plastic GLASS CASE OF EMOTION), but they also had the most stunning livery.

It's not just 25,000 pretty faces, it raised over €1 million for Red Bull's Wings For Life charity. So it was certainly an added bonus for the thousands of donors that they were able to accompany Mark Webber as he took the chequered flag at Silverstone. For both drivers to finish on the podium even with all those people in the cockpit with them (ooer) is quite an amazing result. And so, cue Mark's jet-propelled podium jump, Seb cheekily pouring champagne onto Jackie Stewart's head and the various presenters and pundits having to bellow over the top of the exceptionally loud music coming from the Red Bull garage.

Onto rather more useless teams: McLaren strike again! Supposedly the second best team on the 2012 grid, both McLaren cars showed an alarming lack of pace throughout the entire weekend. I'll point out at this stage that being a Jenson Button fan is not the same as being a McLaren fan. Jenson's qualifying was yet another dismal affair, resulting in him starting from a lowly 16th place on the grid. In the past few Grands Prix, Button has been diagnosed by some with the Felipe Massa Effect (please note: I despise this concept, merely referencing what I've heard), of losing your mojo alongside a superstar teammate (I, however, rooted out his problem from his facial hair). But at Silverstone, the mediocrity reached Lewis Hamilton as well. At least Button managed to work his way up 6 places to 10th and earn himself 1 world championship point (THRILLING) - Hamilton couldn't gain on his start position at all. And aside from the downright lack of pace, yet again the strategy wasn't all there. Hamilton was on the radio saying "we shouldn't have covered Grosjean, he's much faster than me" only a few moments before the giraffe in the Lotus galloped right past him. So a very poor showing from MEHcLaren, and as for the other British driver, well he wobbled off the track in the first lap. ...Not the best showing in front of the home fans, boys.


But I suppose one consolation for McLaren fans (hello? anybody out there?) is that they didn't have the worst pit stop of the weekend. That award, sadly, goes to Kamui Kobayashi and Sauber.

I am very glad to report that none of the Sauber pit crew were seriously hurt, although apparently one mechanic is receiving treatment for an injured thumb - get well soon! Hopefully Kamui will get back to his usual method of KKing people next time out...

Now I suppose it's time for my semi-regular segment: tirelessly and defiantly defending Pastor Maldonado! For the record, I'll just point out that I really like Sergio Perez too. He's a good driver, interesting on strategy and I wish he'd won in Malaysia. But I think sweet little Checo might have overreacted just a tiiiny bit after his retirement from the race following this incident with Pastor:

Yes, it was an unfortunate incident, and Maldonado hasn't exactly had the best record for clean races this year, but... you can see he's lost control of the car before the contact with Perez. Even if the Sauber hadn't been there, I think Maldonado would have lost it in that corner and spun off. So I find it difficult to agree with Sergio's slightly mad rant where he called Pastor a "stupid and dangerous driver" and worried that he "could hurt someone". I understand that tensions run high so soon after a frustrating incident, but sadly this has fuelled a lot more blind hatred for the Venezuelan. I think he just hasn't had the chance to build up a fanbase that contains more than just me. If he had anything like the number of insane fans that Lewis Hamilton has built up over the years, Maldonado's driving would merely be 'aggressive' and it would win their hearts. Let's just be grateful he hasn't said he's being picked on because he's Latino. But really, I only hope that Pastor can have a few good, clean races in the weeks to come, so that people might remember his mighty drive to his maiden victory in Spain, rather than the recent dodgy incidents. ...Plus if he stops crashing about, I can stop ranting on and on defending him! Because someone in the one-person fan club has got to.

Huge thanks to @F1ML for bringing to life the equal-parts brilliant and terrifying image of my Pastor Pom Poms!

Now I'm throwing my second mini-rant in here, so that we can end on something nicer... the British Biased Coverage was making me rather angry this weekend. I'm not talking about the focus being on the British drivers, because that makes sense and of course they'll do the same at every circuit with the driver(s) from that country. I'm referring to the fanatical lunacy that Jake Humphrey championed at Silverstone on the BBC. Encouraging support for specific (British) drivers is all well and good, but Humphrey decided that it would be a good laugh to get the (predominantly sane) British fans to pick which (non-British) drivers they hated the most and boo them. ...Really? Really, Jake? So of course Lewis' best mates Fernando and Pastor were getting a fair bit of a abuse, spurred on by the prominent Hamilton brown-noser Mr Humphrey. Even worse than this were the representatives of the worst kind of F1 fans on Twitter, some of whom even threatened to kill Pastor Maldonado if he 'touched' their beloved Lewis (why is it always Lewis fans being mentally deranged?). I was pleased, however, to see that this particular comment was met with much disgust online. Of course we all have our favourite and our least favourite drivers but, after a weekend of a very shoddily organised British sporting event, I don't think Silverstone 2012 needed to be remembered for anti-British hate-spewing as well.

I'd apologise for the excessive ranting, but I imagine you come here expecting it. Or you've blundered onto here by mistake, in which case: HI! Sorry!

But let's end on a more cheery note: Felipe baby is back in action!

As I said before, I find Felipe-bashing deeply upsetting, so having him back on good form in the past few races has been glorious. Felipe managed to bring his Ferrari home in 4th place and pulled off a fair few badass overtaking moves throughout the race. As I'm still bitter about Brazil 2008, him being back in points-paying positions is lovely to see. Here's hoping he can repeat these recent good performances in the rest of the season, and maybe soon we'll be hearing 'Fernando, Felipe is faster than you'.

Anyway, that's all from me. The ranting has gone on long enough. Is anyone even still reading? WELL DONE YOU. If you like, you can follow me on Twitter @F1_Obsessive, where I spout this kind of rubbish aaall day long. See you next time for the German Grand Prix!

So-So Slow Monaco

RACE TRACK: Twisting By The Pool - Dire Straits

You can pretty much tell how exciting the Grand Prix was when my Race Track ends up being based on POST-race action. And I couldn't use 'Grace Kelly' because hate-spewing newspapers would likely overreact and demand for me to be sacked from the internet. Sigh. Anyway...

Congratuwelldone, waltzing Matilda Mark Webber, for winning in Monaco, for being our sixth different winner in a crazy, mixed-up season and mainly, for successfully going FORWARDS at the start - gold star for you Mark! Surprisingly, the one trundling off the start line was actually king of bling Mr. Hamilton. This didn't have a huge detrimental effect on his race, but the knock-on effect behind him caused an upsetting natural phenomenon: a sad giraffe Romain Grosjean.

That little face just breaks my heart. So basically, a slow-starting Hamilton meant many of the cars behind him (Alonso, Massa, Schumacher and Grosjean in particular) were short of space and attempting to go four abreast into the first corner. Alas, four into one doesn't go and the giraffe for whom we had high hopes ended up sideways across the track. Most cars managed to get past unscathed, although Kamui Kobasmashi did collide slightly with the stricken Lotus, leading to this fantastic shot of Kamui being called back to his home planet:

These F1 drivers are getting a taste for flying aren't they? Kobayashi joins frequent flyers Petrov and Webber in an ever-growing group of drivers who are somewhat lacking in downforce. Unfortunately, on his way down, Kamui 'KKed' Button by landing on top of him - only the first of Jenson's problems in his truly miserable race.

Further back in the field, Maldonado put to good use the driving lessons he's recently had from Michael Schumacher, by quite severely rear-ending the HRT of Pedro de la Rosa having barely crossed the start/finish line. Am I back to being the only member of the Maldonado fan club? ...Thought so.

So overall a very disappointing start from my point of view, although it was lovely to see Felipe Massa keeping up with his teammate AND the other front four drivers from the start. As for the Grosjean incident, I can't really say any one driver was to blame - not even Hamilton (look at me, so mature) - it's just Monaco, baby. I should point out at this stage that Tiff & I had met up to watch this race together, with the Birmingham division of F1 In Pubs. Safe to say that the two of us combined were certainly a ranting, raving, fangirling force to be reckoned with. Sincere apologies to those in the same room/city/country as us when Giraffe crashed out - our screams could likely be heard from space.

On with the rest of the racing... or the lack of it. Over the years, I think we've come to realise that, although beautiful, historic, glamorous and challenging, Monaco is really not the place to see Formula 1 cars racing each other. Sure, the streets of Monte Carlo are unparalleled for testing the skill, nerve and concentration of the best drivers in the world, the chances of overtaking (and therefore, the chances of action) are very slim. The Clip The Apex overtaking database claims there were 12 overtakes in this year's Monaco GP, but I certainly didn't see that many. Most of us were nodding off halfway through the race having seen the only changes of position take place in the pits. But a few drops of rain gave us the promise of some action, bringing the front five cars (WEB, ROS, ALO, VET, HAM, with Massa not far behind in sixth) all to within each other's DRS zone.

 

Here we have all the potential for an epic 5- or 6-way fight for the win in the final 10 laps and yet... nothing happened. Nobody tried anything. Admittedly, certain driver's attempts at overtaking in Monaco last year made me seethe with anger, but I found it baffling that none of these highly competitive drivers were willing to try to overtake in the closing stages of the race. Of course it's entirely reasonable that they've got plenty to concentrate on with tyre degradation, the threat of rain and barriers hurtling towards them at 290kph, but I couldn't help but feel a little... bored by this year's race. Monaco just seems to make a habit out of teasing us with potential for great racing action, only to somehow snatch it away. Take last year: Button's clever strategy put him on much fresher tyres and gaining rapidly on the struggling Alonso and Vettel ahead. But then the ridiculous red flag rules that allow all cars to put on fresh tyres annihilated the possibility for an epic battle for the win.

But despite this, I'm not one of the mad people demanding that Monaco be removed from the F1 calendar. It might not be the best place to marvel at outstanding overtakes, but I think we can all appreciate the immense skill of any F1 driver keeping it on the road for 78 laps, let alone in the company of other cars. Let's take this moment to watch a master at work:

But back to the present. With none of the five cars behind him risking an overtake, Mark Webber became the sixth different driver (although sadly not the sixth different constructor) to win a Grand Prix in 2012. And Red Bull celebrated in Monaco the way they know best: champagne and chlorine. Martin Brundle might have managed to stay dry last year while DC and EJ took the plunge, but this time he was at the mercy of the race winner...

 

We all knew it was coming. ...Well lucky for you that might be all I have to say about this race. With so few changes of position and most of my favourite drivers retiring, I was left pretty underwhelmed. But if you haven't yet had enough of my rambling, you can always check out the excellent F1 In Pubs podcast by Paul and Manish, featuring a few words of wisdom from myself and Tiff (plus the occasional shrieking in the background) here.

Don't forget to vote in the poll on the left for who you'd most like to see be the seventh different race winner this season! Feel free to tweet me @F1_Obsessive or leave a comment below. See you the weekend after next for the Canadian Grand Prix - hopefully as eventful as last year's!

Going Goldilocks Over Overtaking

RACE TRACK: One Way Or Another - Blondie

(One way, or another, Kobi's gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha...)

We'll start backwards today. How miniscule were those trophies?! First time in 2 years that Nick Heidfeld has gotten anywhere near a trophy and gets a fun size one? Here's Seb on the podium if you didn't see it:

Note that he isn't doing his signature finger. It must be the trophy disappointment getting him down. I mean, I know 'Baby Schumi' is only 23 but there was really no need for the toy trophy. And of course Nico Rosberg was nowhere near the podium this weekend but if he had been, it would've looked like this:

That might be the second gratuitous Rosberg insult of this fairly young blog, but never mind.

To continue in an even more backwards fashion: the post-race penalties for Alonso and Hamilton. I'm nowhere near being a Hamilton sympathiser but I couldn't really understand what the stewards were complaining about. So apparently Hamilton made more than one move across the track to defend from Alonso, but I saw no such thing and neither did the commentators. But hey, this doesn't exactly grind my gears, I'm pretty delighted that Hamilton lost 2 points from his 20 second penalty (and that Kobayashi gained them)! But Alonso gets the same penalty for "causing a collision"? What? The only damage he did was to himself; he made a mistake and was punished sufficiently with a lengthy pitstop to change the front wing. So why punish him again? If they're using this kind of rule then should Petrov get a penalty for "causing a collision" with a braking point marker?

On that note, what fun, Vitaly strikes again! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a Mark Webber? No, it's a Petrov!

Now for the overtaking discussion. Yet again we could all enjoy Kamui Kobasmashi Kobayashi being a fearless ninja, overtaking time and time again - particularly fun when Schumacher's his victim we've got to admit. But for some reason the world is still not happy. The "fans" moan that there's not enough overtaking (to be fair, apparently there were 5.93 overtakes per race in 1990, and 20 years later with aaaall the technological advancement there were only 1.15 in 2010 - tragic) and now that the FIA have introduced rules to make overtaking easier, apparently there's now too much. Or "unrealistic" overtakes. I'm sorry, but what is the problem? The phrase "procession" became synonymous with the Plague, so we've solved that problem and the races are increasingly entertaining. I'd like to think that any F1 fan would rather watch a seven-time world champion repeatedly do battle with a near-rookie, or the majestically-bearded Heidfeld snatch the podium from Princess Hamilton, than just watch Vettel cruise around at the front lap after lap. First there's not enough overtaking, now there's too much - when will it be juuust right Goldilocks?

Jenson was saying in the F1 forum after the race that the drivers can make strategic decisions using the drag reduction system (DRS), like deliberately not lapping someone in the DRS zone so that they then can't use DRS to unlap themselves immediately. Strategy is just as important to the sport as anything (I mean there have been several races in the past where all the action has been found in the pitlane rather than on the racetrack), so I can't see why people are calling for DRS to be removed because the overtakes don't feel "real". If for next season it's decided that the technology that aids drivers in races should be taken away, then 2012 is just going to be 24 guys running around in circles - or 22 if Liuzzi and Karthikeyan get a bit worn out and take 7% more time - and I can safely assume that no one wants that.

That concludes my rant for the Malaysian Grand Prix, but only a few short days until the action resumes in China - woo and yay! And as I've sung his praises yet again, to play us out, an excellent Kobayashi montage: