Hungary Hungary Hamilton

RACE TRACK: Back To The Start - Razorlight

We'll start with the start today (chronological order, who'd have thought?), because there we witnessed quite the display of senility from a certain Mr Schumacher. Here's a view of the first attempted race start from fans in the grandstand:

So all 24 cars had set off on their warm-up lap at the Hungaroring and all the drivers were taking up their starting positions, ready for lights out. Except Michael Schumacher. He qualified a dismal 17th, but he must've been feeling self-deprecating as he pulled up in the 19th slot on the grid. Now I'm sure it must be difficult, when all the grid slots look the same and you've got a million things to think about in the cockpit of your F1 car... but surely you'd see that inviting, empty space right in front of you? But no, Michael was happy with 19th apparently and awaited the 5 red lights like the rest of the field. At this point, one can assume that poor Narain Karthikeyan was meandering about in no man's land, looking for a 25th grid slot to park his HRT. So with the back few rows all out of position, Charlie Whiting initiated a second warm-up lap, with flashing yellow lights on the gantry.

Now this is a pretty rare circumstance, so a few drivers were understandably confused by the proceedings - you can see from the video that several of the less experienced drivers were hesitant when setting off for the second time. But for some bizarre reason, the seven-time world champion got himself even more confused and promptly switched off his engine. Right, that makes sense. See an empty grid slot in front of you? Never mind that. See all cars in front of you driving off slowly? Turn off the engine, obviously. I might sound a bit harsh here, but you'd expect this sort of cock-up perhaps from an inattentive rookie, but not the most experienced driver on the grid!

And as if his race couldn't get any worse, when the Mercedes crew raced down the grid to push Schumacher's stricken car into the pitlane (hopefully in time for the proper start of the race), he reportedly picked up a puncture on a drain. So despite trying his very best to bugger up his race by leaving his brain at home, a healthy dose of bad luck was there to kick him when he was down. Strange, strange start to a race.

Now I have to say, it wasn't the most fascinating of races. The Hungaroring is never an easy place to overtake, but it seemed like all the position changes took place thanks to pit stops, rather than out on track. Although there was an inbetweeny moment between the Lotus drivers, when Grosjean was heading into the first corner as Raikkonen exited the pits.

This was on lap 46, and whichever Lotus driver came out in front would likely be the only challenger to the leader, Hamilton. Romain might have had his tyres up to temperature, but Kimi had the inside line. It's always stressful when two drivers you like/support/are emotionally invested in get that close to each other on track, but sensible driving from the pair of them meant that the gentle nudge merely pushed Grosjean wide and didn't cause either car any damage. I'll be honest: I would have been DELIGHTED if it was the happy giraffe scampering after Hamilton, but Kimi earned that strong second place and it was great to see both the Lotus guys on the podium - the delicious bread of a rather unsavoury sandwich. Romain was, of course, predictably miserable at having lost out on second - or possibly first - place:

Seriously. This was his face when he was explaining that he was "not such happy" and "not happy at all" with finishing third after fighting for the win for the most part of the race. Not such happy?!

Elsewhere on the circuit, Sebastian Vettel had apparently become bored of being a racing driver. Lapping behind Jenson Button, Vettel radioed his race engineer saying, "I can go much faster than him, so do something." Erm, I think the doing of things is meant to be down to you? I'm sure it was only said in the frustration of the moment, but it did cause a fair few raised eyebrows where I was watching, at F1 In Pubs. I'm not one of the people that insist Seb can't overtake, but comments like that will not help eliminate that opinion of him. Dear me, Seb and Jenson just can't seem to keep away from each other these past few races...

Cute cute cute. Gratuitous Sebson because boring race was boring. 

Aside from gratuitous, borderline-irrelevant pictures, what else is a regular feature of this blog? OH YES, defiantly defending Pastor! This week's 'victim' was Paul di Resta. In my view, this was a similar 'incident' (if you can call it that) to the Lotus drivers duelling at Turn 1. One driver had the inside line into the corner (Raikkonen and Maldonado), whilst the other was pushed wide (Grosjean and di Resta). The only difference I can see is that Pastor and Paul (that sounds like a really dire TV programme) made contact very slightly, where the Lotus cars did not. The end result in both circumstances was identical: no damage to either car and both still close together on track, with the possibility of swapping positions. And yet, poor Pastor Maldonado received a drive-through penalty for the 'collision' that barely even happened, ruining his race and any chance he had of a point or two. I know I defend him every race weekend, but sometimes I can see sense in punishing him (Valencia, for example). This week, however, I completely disagree. I've said before that I believe the main point of a penalty is to make the suffering equitable for both drivers involved. So if you give someone a puncture and carry on unhindered, you deserve a penalty to punish you in the same way that the other driver was. But Paul didn't suffer at all. He was slow at the time and was inevitably going to be overtaken by a car or two. Yes, Pastor nudged him ever so slightly during his overtaking manoeuvre, but no damage was done! I think if the stewards want to set a precedent for dishing out a penalty every time that F1 cars touch each other, despite no damage being caused, then they're going to end up awfully busy. Romain speaks sense on this sort of subject: despite being very unhappy with losing his position to Kimi, he refers to their coming together as "racing". And that's what we love! So I really hope that Pastor's 'previous' with the stewards isn't having an impact on some of their decisions, because I think, in this case certainly, a penalty was completely unnecessary.

As for the other Williams, Bruno Senna had a belter of a race! He got his race weekend off to a great start by qualifying ninth, ahead of both Mercedes, both Force Indias and even Mark Webber. Bruno was then feisty for the entire duration of the Grand Prix and finished in a great seventh place, only a couple of seconds behind Jenson Button. He might not have spent as long at the very front of the field this year as his teammate, but Bruno Senna has shown some great driving ability and delivered good, consistent finishes. I know it's Pastor that I'm usually raving about, but I really rate Bruno as well. Just as it annoys me that people seem to pick on certain drivers for bringing money to their team (erm, they all do), it infuriates me that people claim Bruno is only in F1 because of his name, and that he's 'not as good as Ayrton'. Why should he have to be compared to his uncle? You can't expect that of him. You wouldn't expect Ralf to be the same as Michael, or Nico to be the same as Keke. I think Senna's performance at the Hungarian Grand Prix has shut a few people up on that subject, so I hope to see him at the front of the grid again in the second half of the season - is a podium too much to hope for? I hope not.

Gratuitous naked time because... because Bruno Senna.

Aaaaaanyway, that's enough ranting and rambling. Having been welcomed into the Fan Formula family, I spouted even more gibberish on the Hungarian Grand Prix on YouTube, so you can see my 'Hungaroboring' video here and the neatly edited group opinions video here. I also had the huge pleasure once more of watching the GP with the delightfully mad Tiff and David at the Après bar in Birmingham, as well as plenty of other F1 fans there for F1 In Pubs. I thoroughly recommend it if you can find a venue near to you, as it is bloody brilliant.

And I think that's it from me. I hope you all enjoy/survive the F1 summer break, and of course I'll still be tweeting away despite no F1 action at @F1_Obsessive. I shall leave you with the greatest picture to emerge from this race weekend, or possibly EVER: a member of the Lotus team completely trolling and ruining the McLaren celebratory team photo.

 All the awards, Lotus. Amazing. Right, I'm off, see you in Spa!

Alternator Aggravator

RACE TRACK: Spanish Stroll - Mink DeVille

...Because even when he's coming from 11th on the grid, Fernando makes it looks easy. And so, we didn't get a record-breaking eighth different winner in the first eight races, because Magic Alonso stormed to victory in Valencia, taking his second win of the 2012 season and securing a 20 point lead in the drivers' championship.

His trackside celebrations in front of the predominantly Spanish crowd were fun. I mean, usually the FIA don't even let you touch anything before being weighed to ensure all regulations are met, so it was nice to see some post-race shenanigans from Fernando. Driving along with the Spanish flag, dancing about with the marshalls, and eventually being dragged away to the slightly delayed podium after several minutes' unauthorised frolicking.

When he eventually made it onto the top step, we were greeted with a blast from the past, seeing Alonso, Raikkonen and Schumacher in the top three finishing positions.

 

Some fun facts for you regarding this very successful trio...

• These three drivers have now shared the podium on 5 different occasions.
• In all these instances, Fernando Alonso has been on the top step, with Kimi Raikkonen taking the second place spot twice, to Michael Schumacher's three times.
• Between them, they have TEN world drivers' championships - 7 for Michael of course, 2 for Fernando and 1 for Kimi.
• This trio also have every WDC between the years of 2000 and 2007.
• All three have driven for Ferrari during their careers, although Fernando Alonso is yet to win a championship with them.

So yes, a rather retro podium, but lovely to see Fernando's emotional celebrations, Kimi getting another good points finish, and Michael finally getting a bit of luck! But onto the rest of the race now...

I'd say it's pretty rare that we see reliability problems in more recent years, but this race had 2 major retirements due to alternator failure. Of course (as regular readers and my Twitter followers will have come to expect) my heart broke into a million pieces when the legendary giraffe Monsieur Grosjean slowed to a halt after 41 of the 57 laps. All the more devastating given that he was within a second of the leader when it happened, he was potentially our 8th different winner!

His reaction was classic Romain: a shrug of mild disappointment, and then immediately back to his usual, smiley self as he walked back to the garage. A slightly more extreme reaction came from Sebastian Vettel who, a few laps earlier, had retired from the race with what turned out to be the exact same issue. We've seen one or two stroppy moments from the reigning world champion since he's not been dominating the races like he used to (such as Cucumbergate and the use of his other finger in Malaysia) and, after his retirement from this race, he provided us with a frustrated but rather jazzy glove slap. Cue the remixed GIFs - and feel free to add some dance music in your head.

But my 'most twatty flamboyant reaction of the race' award goes, naturally, to Lewis Hamilton. I'm sure the McLaren budgeting department winced a lot when he threw his £50,000 steering wheel out of his car in annoyance after his collision with Pastor Maldonado on the penultimate lap of the race. Literally throwing (very expensive) toys out the pram (/cockpit).

I guess my rant of the race will have to be on that Hamilton/Maldonado incident. I tweeted and tweeted about it at the time, but there's no point in stopping now. First of all, let's remember that both drivers ended up with nil points where they might've had 15 or 12. And so both of them lost out equally, if not slightly less lost for Hamilton as his tyres were going off the cliff anyway. But the main point really is that they both COULD have chosen to act differently in that split second to avoid the collision. Hamilton could've left space for Maldonado on the track. Maldonado could have cut the corner completely rather than trying to rejoin straight away. Hamilton could've anticipated Maldonado rejoining the track at that moment and gone a little bit wide to leave some space. But they didn't. And to be honest, I didn't really expect them to, because they're racing drivers. Of course neither one of them wants to yield to another driver, it's their natural instinct to fight to win. And yes, sometimes this attitude causes avoidable accidents, but that's motor racing. Plus, in that moment, they have the tiniest fraction of a second to decide where to look, which pedal to push, which buttons to press, and which direction to steer. So I don't think either driver is to blame really. They both made a decision that wasn't the most sensible, and they both paid for it. Although I think of it as a racing incident, I suppose Maldonado's penalty is reasonable as it gives him a result equal to Hamilton (0 points) - it would've been quite cheeky if Pastor had gotten a point out of all this. But mad Hamilton fans the people calling for him to be banned from Formula 1 for dangerous driving... well they obviously haven't seen any of Lewis' driving. Anyway, I really should shut up on this now, but that's my view. If you disagree, we can agree to do so, that's fine (and feel free to put forward your opinion in the comments), but let's not try and force each other to change our views. Because that is truly maddening. Ok? Ok.

As for the rest of the race... well I forgot we were in Valencia for sure! There was actually overtaking - although some more successful than others. Obviously JEV's cutting across Heikki stands out as maddest move of the race (some nice expletives from KOV in the official race edit), not to mention how fast he was driving with that severely punctured tyre. Although at the time, I was desperate for a safety car to give Vettel some company at the front again, so no complaints really.

What else? Well it was good to see the Lotuses/Loti/Kimi-and-Romain doing very well, both drivers making some excellent passes - think it could've been a Lotus 1-2 if things had happened differently... but you know I don't do what-ifs! And more LOLZ at the outstanding McLaren pit crew, as Hamilton's reserve front jack man did a nervous jig trying to work out if he was needed. It must've been amateur hour in the Valencian pitlane because there were dodgy stops from more than just McLaren for once, even some mismatched tyres on one car.

So overall, the European Grand Prix was a pleasant surprise. Usually we all expect to doze off like we're watching a Paul di Resta interview or something, but 2012 offered a good amount of race action. But that's all from me for now! Feel free to follow me on Twitter @F1_Obsessive aaaaaand I'll see you next time for the British Grand Prix - where perhaps the Jubilee/regal theme of 2012 will rub off on Silverstone and provide race vehicles more like this...

So-So Slow Monaco

RACE TRACK: Twisting By The Pool - Dire Straits

You can pretty much tell how exciting the Grand Prix was when my Race Track ends up being based on POST-race action. And I couldn't use 'Grace Kelly' because hate-spewing newspapers would likely overreact and demand for me to be sacked from the internet. Sigh. Anyway...

Congratuwelldone, waltzing Matilda Mark Webber, for winning in Monaco, for being our sixth different winner in a crazy, mixed-up season and mainly, for successfully going FORWARDS at the start - gold star for you Mark! Surprisingly, the one trundling off the start line was actually king of bling Mr. Hamilton. This didn't have a huge detrimental effect on his race, but the knock-on effect behind him caused an upsetting natural phenomenon: a sad giraffe Romain Grosjean.

That little face just breaks my heart. So basically, a slow-starting Hamilton meant many of the cars behind him (Alonso, Massa, Schumacher and Grosjean in particular) were short of space and attempting to go four abreast into the first corner. Alas, four into one doesn't go and the giraffe for whom we had high hopes ended up sideways across the track. Most cars managed to get past unscathed, although Kamui Kobasmashi did collide slightly with the stricken Lotus, leading to this fantastic shot of Kamui being called back to his home planet:

These F1 drivers are getting a taste for flying aren't they? Kobayashi joins frequent flyers Petrov and Webber in an ever-growing group of drivers who are somewhat lacking in downforce. Unfortunately, on his way down, Kamui 'KKed' Button by landing on top of him - only the first of Jenson's problems in his truly miserable race.

Further back in the field, Maldonado put to good use the driving lessons he's recently had from Michael Schumacher, by quite severely rear-ending the HRT of Pedro de la Rosa having barely crossed the start/finish line. Am I back to being the only member of the Maldonado fan club? ...Thought so.

So overall a very disappointing start from my point of view, although it was lovely to see Felipe Massa keeping up with his teammate AND the other front four drivers from the start. As for the Grosjean incident, I can't really say any one driver was to blame - not even Hamilton (look at me, so mature) - it's just Monaco, baby. I should point out at this stage that Tiff & I had met up to watch this race together, with the Birmingham division of F1 In Pubs. Safe to say that the two of us combined were certainly a ranting, raving, fangirling force to be reckoned with. Sincere apologies to those in the same room/city/country as us when Giraffe crashed out - our screams could likely be heard from space.

On with the rest of the racing... or the lack of it. Over the years, I think we've come to realise that, although beautiful, historic, glamorous and challenging, Monaco is really not the place to see Formula 1 cars racing each other. Sure, the streets of Monte Carlo are unparalleled for testing the skill, nerve and concentration of the best drivers in the world, the chances of overtaking (and therefore, the chances of action) are very slim. The Clip The Apex overtaking database claims there were 12 overtakes in this year's Monaco GP, but I certainly didn't see that many. Most of us were nodding off halfway through the race having seen the only changes of position take place in the pits. But a few drops of rain gave us the promise of some action, bringing the front five cars (WEB, ROS, ALO, VET, HAM, with Massa not far behind in sixth) all to within each other's DRS zone.

 

Here we have all the potential for an epic 5- or 6-way fight for the win in the final 10 laps and yet... nothing happened. Nobody tried anything. Admittedly, certain driver's attempts at overtaking in Monaco last year made me seethe with anger, but I found it baffling that none of these highly competitive drivers were willing to try to overtake in the closing stages of the race. Of course it's entirely reasonable that they've got plenty to concentrate on with tyre degradation, the threat of rain and barriers hurtling towards them at 290kph, but I couldn't help but feel a little... bored by this year's race. Monaco just seems to make a habit out of teasing us with potential for great racing action, only to somehow snatch it away. Take last year: Button's clever strategy put him on much fresher tyres and gaining rapidly on the struggling Alonso and Vettel ahead. But then the ridiculous red flag rules that allow all cars to put on fresh tyres annihilated the possibility for an epic battle for the win.

But despite this, I'm not one of the mad people demanding that Monaco be removed from the F1 calendar. It might not be the best place to marvel at outstanding overtakes, but I think we can all appreciate the immense skill of any F1 driver keeping it on the road for 78 laps, let alone in the company of other cars. Let's take this moment to watch a master at work:

But back to the present. With none of the five cars behind him risking an overtake, Mark Webber became the sixth different driver (although sadly not the sixth different constructor) to win a Grand Prix in 2012. And Red Bull celebrated in Monaco the way they know best: champagne and chlorine. Martin Brundle might have managed to stay dry last year while DC and EJ took the plunge, but this time he was at the mercy of the race winner...

 

We all knew it was coming. ...Well lucky for you that might be all I have to say about this race. With so few changes of position and most of my favourite drivers retiring, I was left pretty underwhelmed. But if you haven't yet had enough of my rambling, you can always check out the excellent F1 In Pubs podcast by Paul and Manish, featuring a few words of wisdom from myself and Tiff (plus the occasional shrieking in the background) here.

Don't forget to vote in the poll on the left for who you'd most like to see be the seventh different race winner this season! Feel free to tweet me @F1_Obsessive or leave a comment below. See you the weekend after next for the Canadian Grand Prix - hopefully as eventful as last year's!

May The 4s Be With You

RACE TRACK: Tired Of Waiting For You - Green Day (or: 'Ode To The McLaren Pit Crew')

You'll have to forgive the Star Wars reference (or enjoy it, whatever floats your boat), but Bernie was on top evil-dictator form this weekend in tumultuous Bahrain. For those who don't really know their Star Wars, the character of Emperor Palpatine is best described as "the supreme ruler of the most powerful tyrannical regime the galaxy had ever witnessed". But for fear of being sued or otherwise 'silenced', I shall point out that this bears absolutely no resemblance to F1 'supremo' Bernard Charles Ecclestone... at all... nope... definitely not.

 

But anyway, now it is time to use the 4s! And hopefully end these terrible Star Wars puns. Because this Bahrain GP ended with an awful lot of '4' milestones...

• Despite fears for safety amongst political unrest in the country, this year's Bahrain GP went ahead and was the 4th race of the 2012 F1 season.
• In an alarming display of consistency, this race marks Mark Webber's 4th 4th place finish in a row. Lewis Hamilton was only able to achieve 3 3rd place finishes in a row.
• Sebastian Vettel was the 4th different race winner of the season so far. After Jenson Button sailed to victory in Melbourne, Fernando Alonso silenced Ferrari's critics in Sepang, and Nico Rosberg took his maiden victory in Shanghai, 'Finger Boy' Sebastian Vettel was back on top.
• Bahrain also resulted in a 4th different constructor to win a race this year. McLaren took the Australian GP, Ferrari the Malaysian, Mercedes the Chinese and now Red Bull in Bahrain.
• The top 4 finishers were all driving cars with Renault engines: the Red Bulls of Vettel and Webber in 1st and 4th respectively, along with the Lotuses (Loti?) of Raikkonen and Giraffe Grosjean in 2nd and 3rd.
• And finally, the Bahrain GP gave us a 4th different championship leader after only 4 races of 2012. Button's win in Australia put him atop the WDC, then Alonso led after Malaysia. Hamilton's consistent 3rd place finishes put him in the lead following the Chinese GP but now it's back to business as usual with Vettel leading the WDC despite lacking his usual level of dominance.

Without a doubt the best of these milestones are the 4 different winning drivers, winning constructors and championship leaders. It's a glorious amount of unpredictability - something that we didn't see much of in 2011. I mean, after the world's media had pretty much written off the 2012 Ferrari, who'd have thought the magician Alonso would be able to drag it to a victory this early on? And having spent 6 years just about on the good side of mediocre, we see Britney Nico Rosberg finally taking his first win. Who's going to win next time? Charles Pic? Pedro de la Rosa? Or even Felipe baby!

Gratuitous Felipinho photo. ...I'll let you decide which of these Felipe Babies is most likely to win a race.  
PS. Feliz aniversário Felipe! 31 today, but not looking a day over 13.

But anyway, on with the show. Rosberg was certainly pushing his luck AND the other drivers with a fair bit of dodgy defending from Hamilton and then Alonso:

 

Nico's indignant team radio after that first tussle with Hamilton was that he passed him "off the track", which made me think at first that Lewis might be due a visit to his old pals the stewards. But seeing it a second time, Rosberg pushing Alonso off the track in the same place, Nico started to look like the repeat offender. Regular readers will know that I'd have no problem in condemning Hamilton when he does something wrong, but this time I think Nico was the one making the dodgy moves. I was quite surprised that he didn't get any penalties, not even a reprimand, despite being investigated for both incidents after the race. My conclusion is that this is similar to Schumacher pushing Barrichello right up against the pit wall in Hungary 2010: definitely madness, but apparently allowable. That's racing...

But someone who was definitely NOT racing was everyone's least favourite McLaren mechanic, Mr Left Rear! As someone who dislikes Hamilton immensely, you can imagine my hysterical laughter when his first pit stop was a dismal 9.9 seconds due to some flailing with the wheel nut on the left rear.

But even I was shaking my head when the same mistake happened again, giving Hamilton an even worse 12.2 second stop. Apparently McLaren let the poor bloke off the last pit stop, letting him have his mental breakdown quietly in the corner of the garage as opposed to in the pit lane. But their best effort for Hamilton in this race was 5.4 seconds - still a good 2 seconds off what they should be doing. Red Bull are happy to be seeing a certain finger again, but I think the McLaren boys should start to get more used to this one:

So grinding my gears this week was definitely McLaren. Just so you don't think I've been kidnapped and replaced by some sort of Hamilton sympathiser, I was still laughing my head off at his misfortune, but the team's errors are getting ridiculous now. In China it was Button who suffered worse with that blasted left rear (and with similar pit crew incompetence in Silverstone last year) so my rage at them makes a bit more sense from that point of view. As for this race, it's safe to say I was making a similar noise to Jenson's engine when he retired - GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. So McLaren, please get your act together ready for next race. Stop grinding my gears and I might stop grinding my teeth.

But let's end on a happier note. In fact, the happiest thing on the planet most likely: the eternally-grinning giraffe himself, Monsieur Romain Grosjean!

It honestly looks like he hasn't moved since after qualifying in Australia. Look, exactly the same gleeful face! But I must admit, I was smiling too. Just look at this podium! After Romain's apparent jinx in the first two races, and some bad tyre strategy from Lotus for Kimi in China, it was great to see both of them on the podium in Bahrain. Although Kimi claimed to be 'disappointed' with second (as most racing drivers would be), I think him and aaall his fans were grateful that he made it to a good finish without his tyres committing suicide, like last week. And as for Grosjean, I'm glad he's finally getting a chance to silence his critics from all the way back in 2009. I mean, at the start alone, he was flying!

I know, I know, more giraffe-related Grosjean-teasing. Hey, be grateful I've stopped the Star Wars puns.

But seriously, I'm pleased for the guy - how can you not be, looking at that sweet little face?! Here's hoping Lotus can keep up in the development race and give us more amusement from Romain 'the happiest giraffe in the zoo' Grosjean and Kimi 'Kimi-face' Raikkonen in some top three press conferences.

I'm signing off now, but I'll be back spouting more rubbish after everyone's favourite and exhilarating race, the Spanish Grand Prix! As always, feel free to tweet me in the meantime @F1_Obsessive, comment your thoughts on the race below, or vote in my poll over to the right. See you next time!